I Got This!

Finally I have some control! Yeah that's right I said control. The Gang members have been going through Behavior Bootcamp as most of you know, and I'm finally getting to take my turn as the Drill Sargent formerly a rotating position between Renegade Doodle and Smarty Pants. Bedtime is a piece of cake, all members of the Gang have been in their own beds asleep by 8:30 at the latest w/o tears, screaming, kicking or hair pulling. So I've been slipping a little melatonin in the snack time sippy but everyone needs a little assistance once in awhile. The melatonin isn't enough to knock them out but calms them enough to sit and listen to a story or watch a movie.

RD's aggression is being handled by putting him in the highchair for time out until he is calm, we decided not to give him any type of play dough or putty, but he can have something to bite on. When the time out is over he has to apologize and hug whoever he hurt.. even if it was the dog. This is working very well and he is getting it... He proved that he knows what hurting is and that there is now a consequence for it today when he accidentally knocked Scooter down. As soon as Scooter fell William looked at me then immediately hugged and apologized to Scooter. He LOOKED AT ME!!! YAY! He wanted to see if he was going to be put in the highchair... YES! So I explained to him that it was an accident.

Smarty Pants on the other hand is giving defiance his all and bucking like a Bronco. The hardest time frame is during his "rebound period". I can manage to talk him thru frustration and prevent tantrums for awhile but eventually the Big T occurs. Nell and I are working on this and so far I'm still at a loss. She has wonderful ideas and strategies but some of them I don't feel are practical for my situation but something has to be done. We might go back to ignoring, that seemed to be working. To do this Nell and I are going to need to spend time teaching the daycare kids to ignore SP when he's having a tantrum. I am seeing improvement, the Big T's are not as severe, and are not lasting nearly as long. Woo Hoo.. so we are getting somewhere.

Basically what I'm trying to say is " I got this" and doing it on my own feels awesome! This is the first time in my life where I haven't felt dependant on my husband to enforce the rules. I actually turned down his offer to help me and TOLD him to go WATCH TV!!!

What's Working For You?

As most you know my family is currently working with a behavior specialist to reduce problem behaviors. Our biggest battle right now is with Renegade Doodle. His aggression is steadily getting worse, and he is seeking out others when he is angry, or upset. The cause of his anger does not change the outcome, it is always expressed with violence. Ideally we would like to avoid anger fueled tantrums / meltdowns, but they are occurring instantly after being denied a request. Giving him everything he requests ALL the time would worsen the situation, so I always provide alternative choices if what he is requesting is unavailable. Choices are not working with RD... he wants what he wants.

I spoke with his teacher this AM and she feels that timeouts will eventually be effective, however to follow thru with timeouts at home he has to be put in a highchair, otherwise time out is a game of cat and mouse. I don't have a problem w/ putting him in the high chair but I do have a problem with him hurting himself while in the chair. He bites the side of his hand along the bottom of his thumb and has started to draw blood. He is also pulling his hair, but so far no significant hair loss.

Mrs. Teacher and I are thinking about giving him silly putty or playdough while in the highchair, but these are both things he really enjoys and we don't want to reward the misbehavior, but would the silly putty and playdough be calming and help? This is where we are stumped... What do you mom's think? If he is in the chair and it calms him down and makes the timeout last only the 3minutes instead of him continuing to tantrum and it lasting 20 + min. The rule I was told to follow w/ timeout is you don't come out until your calm... regardless of length. For those of you who use timeout is that how you follow thru w/ it? If not what are your strategies?

Bedtime Routines

What are your routines at bedtime? What have you found that works best, and what hasn't worked for you?

Ugh....

Today has been exhausting and it's still not over for me yet! I am taking a small breather before sending the boys to bed. I had lots of extras today, There were 6 or more children in my house allday... we hit an all time high at 9 at 5:30 and well there are still 8!!! 3 are my Gang, 2 are Smarty Pants sisters from his dad's new marriage, and the other 3 are kids I sit for plus their older sister who normally isn't here. It's official I have lost all my marbles.. who in their right mind willingly lets 7 extra children into their home.. Okay so some of them are paying customers but still.. WTH? Well I must go for now, if you do not hear from me in a few days do not worry I am hiding under the bunk beds.. I'm sure there are enough sippys and animal crackers under there to keep me nourished for at least a week... LOL!

Game Plan

Today I met with Nell, for a few hours to brainstorm and develop a game plan. Here's what we came up with. Thoughts and opinions greatly appreciated. Thanks.


LEAD BY EXAMPLE
Happy Consistent Persistent and Calm
Positive Tone of Voice
1. Avoid tantrums
A. Appropriate Phrases
“Good choice” “Poor choice” - Reward “good choices”
If __________ then_________
When _________ then_________
________ is not available. You may have _____ or _____
Ex. Moonsand is not available. You may have markers or play dough. * Do not add other options, keep the options that are available the same *
B. Avoiding over stimulation will decrease the likelihood of tantrums.
1. Use sensory activities to reduce over stimulation. Gives and outlet for the “extra” energy.
2. Sensory activities should be offered during “rebound period” caused by medication wearing off. Typically occurs from 3:30p till- 5:30p
2. Avoid triggers
A. No / Now
1.Find alternatives such as “ You may not bite me you may ______ .

3. Reward positive behavior
A. “Catch” children behaving positively and give verbal praise and / or small rewards such as stickers.
B. Define “nice” with concrete examples instead of just saying “be nice”.
Ex. “Be nice, give PERSON a THING (hug, kiss, toy etc.)

4. General House Rules
A. Table Rules
1. “Sit right”
2. When eating you must stay at the table, if you get up your “finished”
B. When coming in from outside:
1. Hang up coat and backpack
2. Put shoes away.
C. No "hurting"

We will be following these guidelines over the next few weeks and monitoring changes in the boys behavior.. I'll keep you all posted.

First Day Hands On..

After months of begging and pleading and filling out paperwork my family was finally approved for in home behavioral therapy services. Services began last Monday and to be honest I was a bit skeptical when she left two cd's from the Total Transformation Program (the one you see on late night infomercials) But the disc had some valid points and it's not all the therapist has up her sleeve. Yesterday after she left things didn't really go as planned and Hubby and I argued most of the evening because I was stressing because he wasn't following the *ground rules*. Which are NO TV OR COMPUTER WHILE THE CHILDREN ARE AWAKE... I am considering rehab for my blogging addiction... LOL! Nell (Therapist) leaves assignments for us each time she visits and then we report how things went... so far it has been pretty easy but today she left my first hands on down and dirty assignment.. I had to start implementing some of the techniques she demonstrated.. It's pretty basic stuff, ignoring tantrums, rewarding positive behavior, following thru with commands and directions. MY PERSONAL ASSIGNMENTS: 2 days of 30 min workout, Apply for Pell Grant- check on childcare funds that are paid via Pell Grant, Tell children what to do not ask them ( I have a bad habit of saying why don't you.... instead of go do... ) These are to be completed by Thurs. Implementing the techniques was harder than I had expected but was tremendously rewarding. They didn't work at first and still aren't working entirely but even in one afternoon things have changed. My children haven't changed but my self esteem has sky rocketed I have more confidence as a parent. I have come to the conclusion that I need to take a "single mom" approach to parenting even though I am not single. I can no longer blame my husbands parenting issues on why I lack effective parenting skills.. I must hold myself accountable for my actions and decisions as a parent. Well I must go.. I have PECS charts to work on and Nell will rip me a new one if my homework isn't finished... For those of you have children with behavior problems what works best for you? How do you handle tantrums? What is your bedtime routine? What ground rules do you have in your home?