The Best Day Ever

My kids absolutely LOVE this song... and it really does send a good message.

Sense Sational Cooking

Tonight I decided to do some fun cooking... As most of you know my home is blessed w/ sensory activities for several hours a day.. so I thought I would try out some of the famous recipes I've had laying around for things like Silly Putty, and Playdough.. well I started with Silly Putty.

I looked at the recipie and it had two columns, column A and column B. Me being the genius that I am did not read the entire recipie and figured that it was two variation of the recipie and both would result in silly putty. I measured my glue and poured it into a mixing bowl, only to discover that you had to make both A and B then mix them together. I didn't have all the ingredients for A so there I was stuck with B and no A . I poured the glue into a smaller bowl and moved on to the Gloop recipe... simple equal parts cornstarch and water... well I followed that recipe precisely and didn't get gloop I got orange water... did I give up? No The X Mom never gives up.

I thought fast and dumped my small bowl of Elmers glue into the cornstarch water and mixed it up... This gave me very sticky orange liquid... DUH!! No way are my boys going to like this I thought. So I began racking my brain for something that would help dry up the liquid but not get sticky and it hit me SALT!!! So I ran to the pantry and got a container of salt and dumped half of it into the mixture and it turned out AMAZING!! I ended up with squishy crumbly orange goodness, the texture is similar to scrambled eggs... I'm considering this experiment an act of true genius creativity.. if this recipe already exists please do not tell me let me have my moment.

Here's the recipe in case any of you would like to make it on purpose... LOL!

1c Cornstarch
1 c Water
Foodcolor
Salt-
1-2c Elmers Glue
Thoroughly mix cornstarch, water glue and food color, add salt until desired texture is achieved.
Hey Diane how ya like them paragraphs?? Check out Diane's blog Good Mourning Glory it's killer.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Weiner Confusion

I was watching my absolute favorite show Chelsea Lately and she commented on this story. Apparently a Russian man had his penis bitten off by a raccoon.. What kind of man puts his penis near a raccoon??? Surely it wasn't the raccoons fault I mean she probably thought it was an Oscar Mayer Weiner not a Russian one.... I'm sure that those pervs over at PETA had something to do with this.

If the raccoon was posed like this she was asking for it.... LOL!!!

What my family needs

Anne over at Small Town Mommy gave me this wonderful idea that she got from Sherrie over at Boogers, Screams, Headaches, and Dreams What I did was google our first names followed by needs and here are the results...

The X Mom ( Bethany )
*needs a new liver or she'll be dead by Christmas
*needs a middle name
*needs you

Okay my husbands results are much more funny
His first search result is from the website PoopReport... LOL that is too darn funny and at that website it said Troy needs a job... which is true.. my hubby just got laid off a few weeks ago
Next result was Troy needs Rehab....
and last was Troy needs Dog Runs..

As for the gang
Smarty Pants ( Jermey ) needs :
*Guidance to grow into a man
*anger management (under video results)
* a job in NYC

Renegade Doodle (William ) needs:
*more funds for crackdown
*a new drummer for his band
*to sort out his life

Scooter (James) needs:
*a hat petition
*rotten tomatoes
*to work a miracle

Everlasting Alternative "F" Bomb

I may have mentioned this in a previous post but I don't think so. Awhile back Smarty Pants picked up the "F" word, and used it well. We struggled for weeks trying to get him to stop, we tried time out, telling him it was a "poor word choice" nothing worked.. Then finally a brilliant speech therapist suggested we substitute f*** with fox. This ofcourse made me giggle ALOT!! So we tried it. Every time SP would drop the "F" bomb it would go a little something like this

SP: "F*** you.." (not talking to anyone directly)
Mom: Fox, where did you see a fox, I didn't see a fox
SP: No, said F***
Mom: No, you didn't see a fox
SP: Me say F***, no fox
*At this point I would give up and go back to ignoring the "F" bomb.. and try the substitution again later**

After a month or two of replacing the "F" bomb with fox, SP finally complied, but it didn't work out like we had planned. We had all hoped he would just stop using the "F" bomb all together but instead he did the opposite, instead he literally substituted Fox for f***.. Blessing our family with the following phrases, that he in fact does use ... and now so do I.

That's foxed up
What's the foxing problem
Fox you
Your foxin' crazy
Shut the fox up ....
That's foxin ridiculous... (my personal fav)

For more clean cussing check out the Froupy Frit Frat post over at Mamma Talk

Check out this video blog at Momversation about cussing in front of your kids.. but be preapared to hear the "F" bomb and a few others

Turds n Tootsies

As I was changing the 3rd poopy diaper in the last two hours it occurred to me just how full of s*** my life is, in a literal sense. Everytime I turn around I am dealing with some form of poo. I am constantly trying to determine if I am getting ready to pick up a chewed up spit out tootsie roll or a turd. How do I make the decision… well sometimes a sniff test is required. Why is determination necessary? It is necessary to determine which you are picking up, turd or tootsie because if it’s a turd a search and flush mission for the rest of the turds must begin immediately, as you all know there‘s never just one. If it is a tootsie they can wait till someone steps in them to be found. Some of you may wonder why I would be picking a turd up off the FLOOR in the first place, and who’s turd is it. To cure your curiosity, I am picking up turds because
1. The dog pooped on the floor (these are easily identifiable and do not require sniffing )
2. One of the gang members decided diapers / underwear are not needed and have removed such items without taking his pants off therefore I don’t notice it is missing.
3. Gang members have decided that I am not needed to handle stinky situations and take care of it themselves, letting the turds fall out as they take off their diaper or underwear while walking around.
4. Gang mascots have put turds on their menu under snacks, and dug dirty diapers out of the pail, distributing turds on the floor as I chase them.
5. Gang members have made it to the potty but wanted to see how big the first turd was so they get up off the potty to look before they are finished, the rest of the turds landing on the floor.
* I could go on and on about this but I must go, Scooter is poopy and Renegade Doodle is on the potty screaming about the size of the turd he just made. Just so you know… it’s a special turd he’s making it just for me * Is it wrong that I am going to enter the bathroom excited about the turd in the potty and tell him what a wonderful turd it is and how happy I am that he made it just for me *

I'm It

Well as many of you have probably noticed I haven't visited bloggyland in quite sometime... but my dear friend Sarah over at The Zoo tagged me in her most recent game.. So heres the deal I had to go to my 4th picture folder and post the 4th picture... So here it is

This is me and my best friend Krystal at a bar.... Ahh.. memories!!

Here's my Four. Go to the 4th picture file on your puter' and then post the 4th pic in that file...

Fragile What!?

My Kids Might Be Martians

Holly Daze

Adventures In Holland

Late Night Search for the "Special Spot"

Last night at approximately 1:30 AM The X Mom was seen outdoors in her PJ’s. She appeared to be yelling at two large rats. The rats were later found to be the newest members of the X Mom Gang Pup Pup and Zoey. X Mom was upset because the dogs were having trouble finding their “special spot”. You know that one spot in the yard that smells just right for pooping. After several minutes of sniffing and no pooping she began getting frustrated with the dogs and yelled for them to come in, living up to their recent gang membership the dogs didn’t listen. X Mom debated on weather or not she should attempt to catch them or just wait until the “special spot” was discovered and all pooping was finished. Eventually she decided on waiting it out. She waited, and waited until finally Pup Pup unloaded and ran to the bottom of the porch. Now both Pup Pup and X Mom waited on Zoey who apparently loves her poo too much to just let it go anywhere. Suddenly Zoey lifted her nose in the air catching a whiff of her “special spot” and off she goes running full speed to the neighbors yard, setting off the neighbors dog, a boxer who hates it when any other animals enter his turf.
What do you think happened next….. Did X Mom run into the neighbors yard to rescue Zoey from her demise… Did Zoey stand up to the boxer and hold her own… Have funeral arrangements been made…

Newest Members of The X Mom Gang

The X Mom gang has recruited two new members, Zoey and Pup Pup. These two wonderful Daschunds were given to the gang by Smarty Pants's sperm donor! The X Mom herself didn't have the heart to tell the Gang that no new recruits were needed at this time. Maybe these two will spice things up around here, they've been dare I say "boring" lately.

Xceptional Inspiration

This is not your typical X Mom blog, but I felt that I must share with readers what a wonderful experience I had this morning at James Madison Universities Child Adolescent Psychological Services department. I met a wonderful man there Dr. T. He has been the most helpful out of all the professionals I have ever met.

Playing Tag..Seven Random Things About Me

I was tagged by FXSMom over at Fragile What!?
1. I have 3 tatoos: A sun on my ankle, a moon on my shoulder and a butterfly on my lower back
2. I will only drink coffee if I have French Vanilla liquid creamer
3. My dream career is to become a special education teacher, second choice would be pediatric nursing.
4. I regret having my tubes tied.
5. I have my tongue pierced
6. I have been a SAHM for almost 5 years now.
7. I follow Flylady faithfully.

The X Mom Has Lost IT...

Most Recent Vacation

On the night of September 13th members of The X Mom gang were overheard talking in their secret tongue, Bubble Bath Babble. The X Mom suspected that they were planning her next trip to the Islands of Crazy, these trips are always last minute but never really a surprise. Her alarm clock was set for 8:00 AM on Sunday the 14th, but she was awakened by a smack in the face from young Scooter at 5:07 AM. She thought to herself, “yep definitely taking a trip today”. Scooter would not go back to sleep and was joined by the rest of the gang around 6:00 AM. The X Mom deciding to make the best of an early start, gathered up some laundry and headed to the basement to start a load. The gang acted fast while she was gone, helping themselves to very large bowls of cereal. When their mother entered the kitchen she was shocked, but not by all the cereal on the counter, the large amounts of milk on the floor, or Renegade Doodles licking the milk up off the floor pretending to be a dog of course while nakey. What shocked her was that the boys chose unsweetened cheerios instead of the Coco Crunchies they had insisted on during the last grocery trip. She cleaned up the mess and put the gang in the living room and headed for the shower. When she stepped out of the shower all she could hear was silence, which all moms know silence is never good. She dressed quickly and came out into the living room only to find three very sweet boys watching TV just as she had left them. Hmmm she thought there must be a mess somewhere, but there was none. Oh no she thought they are saving their energy for something big. The X Mom reports that the boys began driving her to the Islands around noon, this time Hershey “The Growler” and Sniffer “Spoiled Pup” Chase were recruited by the gang for entertainment. Her trip began with the usual, a few rounds of “Let’s Get Nakey” “Poo Poo Patties”, followed by Sniffer’s favorite “ Taste of Victoria”. For those of you who are unfamiliar with “Taste of Victoria” playing is easy, just grab your best Victoria’s Secret bra, particularly the one that makes your breast look like they did before you had and breastfed your babies; hand it to your dog and let him chew it up. The X Mom gang became bored with these games around 4 P.M and decided it was time to play “No Me Not”, we asked The X Mom to explain how this game works, but she informed us that was not necessary all SAHM’s are experts and play several rounds daily. It was after round five of “No Me Not” when The X Mom realized they had passed the exit to Crazy and she was now going to end up visiting The Bridge of Insanity instead.

Underage Posession and Distribution

At approximately 8 p.m. on the night of September, 7 known member of The X Mom gang Renegade Doodle was caught by Parental Authorities (PA) and charged with Underage Possession and Distribution of Carpet Fresh. Renegade Doodle was tried in Parental Court immediately. He plead guilty. His exact words were " My fault. I sorry. I clean up." PA's could not agree on the sentencing for such a crime. The female PA felt that all charges should be dropped because Renegade Doodle did apologize and it was she who left the Carpet Fresh out on the counter. The male PA felt that Renegade Doodle knew that he was doing wrong and should be given lights out early. After several minutes of discussion, the female PA won, which isn't surprising, and all charges were dropped against Renegade Doodle.

Letter to Renegade Doodle

Dearest Renegade Doodle,
As I was rocking you back to sleep around two o’clock this morning, I was brought to tears as I realized how much you have grown since you were born nearly three years ago. You’ve gotten taller, your fat baby legs have gone away, and you’ve developed quite a personality. Sometimes you behave in ways only I can understand, and you do things that cause me to see horns instead of a halo, but what fun would my day be if you didn’t. You force me to laugh with your cute sayings and smiling face when I’d rather cry. It wasn’t until this morning that I noticed how with each passing day you want to be held less and less. I must face the fact that you are getting older, and becoming a big boy. It is hard for me to let go of your hand as we walk up the steps, but you no longer need it. Putting you on the bus for school was very emotional for me. I didn’t want to let you go. A part me feels cheated because you had to start school so young, I wanted you at home all day for five years not three. Selfish I know, but every mother is when it comes to time with her babies. I hope that I am able to continue letting go when I need to, no matter how much I want to hold on. You make it clear to me several times a day that you want to be independent, I hope that desire continues to grow stronger. Our relationship will surely change as the years go by, and you will no longer want me to be as involved as I would like, but please my Renegade Doodle remember that I love you and will no matter what path you choose to follow in life; and I will always be glad that you are one of the gang.

"Where's Your Pee Pee"

The oldest member of The X Mom gang, “Smarty Pants” accidentally saw his mother just as she was getting out of the shower. Mrs. Euglow told “Smarty Pants” to leave the bathroom and she would be out in a minute. He left the room, but continued to peek without his mother seeing him. When Mrs. Euglow was finished getting dressed she walked over to her bed and sat down beside Smarty Pants. Smarty Pants looked at his mother and giggled. “What’s so funny?” asked his mother. He replies with “Where’s your Pee Pee?” His mother points to the TV and says “right there” thinking she misunderstood what Smarty Pants said. Smarty Pants then says “that not a pee pee.” This time his mother clearly understands what he his referring to and decided to keep things simple and replies “ I don’t have a pee pee.” Instead of asking why Smarty Pants asks “Did it hurt” sighing with relief, thinking the subject has changed to a bruise on her leg or something his mother asks “Did what hurt?” “Did hurt when cut it off?” was Smarty Pants next sentence.

Solitary Confinement

Renegade Doodle was given three minutes of solitary confinement for climbing on the table in his LSES cell. The head guard Mrs. Best Teacher told Renegade Doodle to get off the table, he listened but climbed on it again as soon as her back was turned. It was written in Renegade Doodles communication log that today he showed an entirely different side of himself. His mother, Bethany Euglow a.k.a The X Mom was tempted to write “I told you so” in response, but decided it would be best if she didn’t. This would however have been a very fitting comment. Mrs. Best Teacher as well as other officials at LSES had been warned of Renegade Doodle’s defiant behaviors. Mrs. Euglow’s warnings were met with disbelief. When asked how she felt about Renegade Doodle’s time in solitaire her response was “ I have to admit a part of me was ecstatic that he is finally comfortable enough to misbehave.” " I just hope he doesn't get too comfortable, too much comfort often results in nakey."

Joy Ride Ends with Hit and Run

Early on the evening of September 4, 2008 two members of The X Mom gang, Renegade Doodle and Scooter, were seen joy riding around the yard in their John Deere Gator. According to witnesses Renegade Doodle was behind the wheel when the Gator crashed into a rose bush, belonging to their Grandma. Renegade Doodle fled the scene before Parental Authorities (PA) could arrive. Scooter who was belted in the Gator, was arrested by PA at the scene. Renegade Doodle was later found underneath the porch steps, nakey. He was charged with a Hit and Run Accident (HRA) and indecent exposure (IE). This will be Renegade Doodle’s first time being charged with a HRA, but he has had numerous IE charges and will be considered a habitual offender at this point. In exchange for his help in locating Renegade Doodle no charges were pressed against Scooter. All charges were dropped, after Grandma refused to testify against Renegade Doodle, commenting later that she felt PA were to blame.