Late Night Search for the "Special Spot"

Last night at approximately 1:30 AM The X Mom was seen outdoors in her PJ’s. She appeared to be yelling at two large rats. The rats were later found to be the newest members of the X Mom Gang Pup Pup and Zoey. X Mom was upset because the dogs were having trouble finding their “special spot”. You know that one spot in the yard that smells just right for pooping. After several minutes of sniffing and no pooping she began getting frustrated with the dogs and yelled for them to come in, living up to their recent gang membership the dogs didn’t listen. X Mom debated on weather or not she should attempt to catch them or just wait until the “special spot” was discovered and all pooping was finished. Eventually she decided on waiting it out. She waited, and waited until finally Pup Pup unloaded and ran to the bottom of the porch. Now both Pup Pup and X Mom waited on Zoey who apparently loves her poo too much to just let it go anywhere. Suddenly Zoey lifted her nose in the air catching a whiff of her “special spot” and off she goes running full speed to the neighbors yard, setting off the neighbors dog, a boxer who hates it when any other animals enter his turf.
What do you think happened next….. Did X Mom run into the neighbors yard to rescue Zoey from her demise… Did Zoey stand up to the boxer and hold her own… Have funeral arrangements been made…

Newest Members of The X Mom Gang

The X Mom gang has recruited two new members, Zoey and Pup Pup. These two wonderful Daschunds were given to the gang by Smarty Pants's sperm donor! The X Mom herself didn't have the heart to tell the Gang that no new recruits were needed at this time. Maybe these two will spice things up around here, they've been dare I say "boring" lately.

Xceptional Inspiration

This is not your typical X Mom blog, but I felt that I must share with readers what a wonderful experience I had this morning at James Madison Universities Child Adolescent Psychological Services department. I met a wonderful man there Dr. T. He has been the most helpful out of all the professionals I have ever met.

Playing Tag..Seven Random Things About Me

I was tagged by FXSMom over at Fragile What!?
1. I have 3 tatoos: A sun on my ankle, a moon on my shoulder and a butterfly on my lower back
2. I will only drink coffee if I have French Vanilla liquid creamer
3. My dream career is to become a special education teacher, second choice would be pediatric nursing.
4. I regret having my tubes tied.
5. I have my tongue pierced
6. I have been a SAHM for almost 5 years now.
7. I follow Flylady faithfully.

The X Mom Has Lost IT...

Most Recent Vacation

On the night of September 13th members of The X Mom gang were overheard talking in their secret tongue, Bubble Bath Babble. The X Mom suspected that they were planning her next trip to the Islands of Crazy, these trips are always last minute but never really a surprise. Her alarm clock was set for 8:00 AM on Sunday the 14th, but she was awakened by a smack in the face from young Scooter at 5:07 AM. She thought to herself, “yep definitely taking a trip today”. Scooter would not go back to sleep and was joined by the rest of the gang around 6:00 AM. The X Mom deciding to make the best of an early start, gathered up some laundry and headed to the basement to start a load. The gang acted fast while she was gone, helping themselves to very large bowls of cereal. When their mother entered the kitchen she was shocked, but not by all the cereal on the counter, the large amounts of milk on the floor, or Renegade Doodles licking the milk up off the floor pretending to be a dog of course while nakey. What shocked her was that the boys chose unsweetened cheerios instead of the Coco Crunchies they had insisted on during the last grocery trip. She cleaned up the mess and put the gang in the living room and headed for the shower. When she stepped out of the shower all she could hear was silence, which all moms know silence is never good. She dressed quickly and came out into the living room only to find three very sweet boys watching TV just as she had left them. Hmmm she thought there must be a mess somewhere, but there was none. Oh no she thought they are saving their energy for something big. The X Mom reports that the boys began driving her to the Islands around noon, this time Hershey “The Growler” and Sniffer “Spoiled Pup” Chase were recruited by the gang for entertainment. Her trip began with the usual, a few rounds of “Let’s Get Nakey” “Poo Poo Patties”, followed by Sniffer’s favorite “ Taste of Victoria”. For those of you who are unfamiliar with “Taste of Victoria” playing is easy, just grab your best Victoria’s Secret bra, particularly the one that makes your breast look like they did before you had and breastfed your babies; hand it to your dog and let him chew it up. The X Mom gang became bored with these games around 4 P.M and decided it was time to play “No Me Not”, we asked The X Mom to explain how this game works, but she informed us that was not necessary all SAHM’s are experts and play several rounds daily. It was after round five of “No Me Not” when The X Mom realized they had passed the exit to Crazy and she was now going to end up visiting The Bridge of Insanity instead.

Underage Posession and Distribution

At approximately 8 p.m. on the night of September, 7 known member of The X Mom gang Renegade Doodle was caught by Parental Authorities (PA) and charged with Underage Possession and Distribution of Carpet Fresh. Renegade Doodle was tried in Parental Court immediately. He plead guilty. His exact words were " My fault. I sorry. I clean up." PA's could not agree on the sentencing for such a crime. The female PA felt that all charges should be dropped because Renegade Doodle did apologize and it was she who left the Carpet Fresh out on the counter. The male PA felt that Renegade Doodle knew that he was doing wrong and should be given lights out early. After several minutes of discussion, the female PA won, which isn't surprising, and all charges were dropped against Renegade Doodle.