Saturday, January 17, 2009

Turds n Tootsies

As I was changing the 3rd poopy diaper in the last two hours it occurred to me just how full of s*** my life is, in a literal sense. Everytime I turn around I am dealing with some form of poo. I am constantly trying to determine if I am getting ready to pick up a chewed up spit out tootsie roll or a turd. How do I make the decision… well sometimes a sniff test is required. Why is determination necessary? It is necessary to determine which you are picking up, turd or tootsie because if it’s a turd a search and flush mission for the rest of the turds must begin immediately, as you all know there‘s never just one. If it is a tootsie they can wait till someone steps in them to be found. Some of you may wonder why I would be picking a turd up off the FLOOR in the first place, and who’s turd is it. To cure your curiosity, I am picking up turds because
1. The dog pooped on the floor (these are easily identifiable and do not require sniffing )
2. One of the gang members decided diapers / underwear are not needed and have removed such items without taking his pants off therefore I don’t notice it is missing.
3. Gang members have decided that I am not needed to handle stinky situations and take care of it themselves, letting the turds fall out as they take off their diaper or underwear while walking around.
4. Gang mascots have put turds on their menu under snacks, and dug dirty diapers out of the pail, distributing turds on the floor as I chase them.
5. Gang members have made it to the potty but wanted to see how big the first turd was so they get up off the potty to look before they are finished, the rest of the turds landing on the floor.
* I could go on and on about this but I must go, Scooter is poopy and Renegade Doodle is on the potty screaming about the size of the turd he just made. Just so you know… it’s a special turd he’s making it just for me * Is it wrong that I am going to enter the bathroom excited about the turd in the potty and tell him what a wonderful turd it is and how happy I am that he made it just for me *


Holly's Mom said...

This post was hilarious. Now that Holly is eating baby food I change poopie diapers maybe 3 times a day, I know this in no way compares to your world, but she was going 1 time every 2-3 days so it is a big increase, and my non-mom friends make fun of me about how much I talk about poopies in my blog. I guess your post tells me exactly what I have to look forward to. Glad to see you back, hope you post more often.

Sarah said...

And now I understand why you told me it was a bunch of crap! You really have to get back here more often! When is your birthday again? I have to get that box of tootsies out to you!

TheXMom said...

My birthday is in April, please keep the tootsies... I prefer candy that is not easily confused with turds.

Veronica Lee said...

Hi Bethany. Welcome to MBC!

spec said...

Where DO you get those photos!
The perfect "ending!" LOL

TheXMom said...

That particular photo,came from Photobucket.

Julie Fletcher said...

OMG, I laughed until tears came just now while reading it to m husband. We both wonder how you got into our house to see OUR poop adventures. You just described it perfectly!

Our kids could have a Poop Club with badges and everything.